A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
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Dating Process
6 Weeks: I love you, I love you, I love you.
6 Months: Of course I love you.
6 Years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why the hell did I propose?
Back from Work:
6 Weeks: Honey, I'm home.
6 Months: BACK!!
6 Years: What did your mom cook for us today??
Gifts:
6 Weeks: Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 Months: I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room!
6 Years: Here's the money. Buy yourself something.
Phone Ringing:
6 Weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 Months: Here, for you.
6 Years: PHONE RINGING.
Cooking:
6 Weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
6 Months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 Years: AGAIN!!!!
Apology:
6 Weeks: Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 Months: Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 Years: What's not to understand about what I just said??
New Dress:
6 Weeks: Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 Months: You bought a new dress again???
6 Years: How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
6 Weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 Months: I like this movie.
6 Years: I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.
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The New Father
A new mother goes upstairs to check on her napping infant. As she opens the door she see's her husband sitting in front of the crib. He hasn't noticed her yet so she
slowly and quietly walks up to him.
The new father is just staring at the baby in the crib, not saying a word, deep in thought. The mother looks and sees expressions of bewilderment, disbelief, and
absolute pure joy on her husband's face.
Dad finally notices his wife and says, "It's amazing, isn't it?"
Mother who, spent over 17 hours in labor without an epidural, says, "Yes dear, it's just incredible," as she wipes a tear of joy from her husband's face.
He looks directly into her eyes and says, "Who'da thought ya could buy a crib this good for fifty bucks!"
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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how
many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're
thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is
biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're
thinking!"
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Wife: Nonsense it's only a matter of patience
Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dating Process
6 Weeks: I love you, I love you, I love you.
6 Months: Of course I love you.
6 Years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why the hell did I propose?
Back from Work:
6 Weeks: Honey, I'm home.
6 Months: BACK!!
6 Years: What did your mom cook for us today??
Gifts:
6 Weeks: Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 Months: I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room!
6 Years: Here's the money. Buy yourself something.
Phone Ringing:
6 Weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 Months: Here, for you.
6 Years: PHONE RINGING.
Cooking:
6 Weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
6 Months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 Years: AGAIN!!!!
Apology:
6 Weeks: Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 Months: Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 Years: What's not to understand about what I just said??
New Dress:
6 Weeks: Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 Months: You bought a new dress again???
6 Years: How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
6 Weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 Months: I like this movie.
6 Years: I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The New Father
A new mother goes upstairs to check on her napping infant. As she opens the door she see's her husband sitting in front of the crib. He hasn't noticed her yet so she
slowly and quietly walks up to him.
The new father is just staring at the baby in the crib, not saying a word, deep in thought. The mother looks and sees expressions of bewilderment, disbelief, and
absolute pure joy on her husband's face.
Dad finally notices his wife and says, "It's amazing, isn't it?"
Mother who, spent over 17 hours in labor without an epidural, says, "Yes dear, it's just incredible," as she wipes a tear of joy from her husband's face.
He looks directly into her eyes and says, "Who'da thought ya could buy a crib this good for fifty bucks!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how
many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're
thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is
biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're
thinking!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: Nonsense it's only a matter of patience
Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
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